Why put on the oxygen mask?

REMEMBERING TO PUT ON MY OXYGEN MASK

If you’ve been one of my clients whom I taught parenting skills to then you’ll most likely remember me telling to “remember to put on your oxygen mask”. If not you might be wondering what I’m talking about and what does that mean in a family? What do you do as a parent when you are feel overwhelmed by the demands of caring for children, family, marriage, and work?

Between parenting my two children, keeping the house semi-clean, working a full-time job and kick-starting an awesome new business, I’ve felt stressed.

I’ve been plugging along like The Little Engine That Could. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” Until last week when I found myself talking to a friend about how much of my heart and soul I’ve put into my work over the last five years, working with families. I was questioning myself, have I done enough, does any of it really matter? My friend said to me “you’ve changed family’s lives and how they look at things, that’s what will be remembered”, and I burst into tears.

After bursting into tears with my friend, I spent some time putting my oxygen mask on while just sitting at Balance rock. I took the time needed for self-care and to process what needed to be processed.

Over the years as a parent, I’ve often found myself wishing of a magic glass ball. So I could look into the future for just a brief moment to see that how I’ve raise my children has made a difference, to see that it will all work out just fine. After sitting at Balance rock for a few moments I realized this too was what I was wishing for, with regards to my job, and the families I support.

Well I don’t have a magic glass ball and I don’t need one. I have been working with families in our community for almost 10 years now, starting from the first Mother Goose group I ran back when my son Logan was less than a year old. When I see all the families over the last 10 years I’ve had the honour to work with I can see that even if it was one song or story that I gave it was enough, one hug to a mom or dad on a bad day, one encouraging word, one smile to say I understand. It has all been so very worth it.

TAKING ON TOO MUCH

However as a natural care giver sometimes I take on too much, care too much. We always need to remember to care for ourselves, to remember to appreciate the little moments and the small steps forward no matter how slow or tiring.

I think that a lot of teachers and caregivers (especially mothers) do this too. We take on more and more in order to care for others. It can be hard to see the toll this takes, not only on ourselves, but also on the same people we are working so hard to care for.

Worse still, when you are drowning in things to do, the last thing you want is to have to care for yourself–it’s another thing to do!

I’ve learned this lesson over and over again in my life. And apparently I’m still learning it, and need to be reminded to self-care.

WHY IS SELF CARE IMPORTANT?

When you are stressed your body creates cortisol. Cortisol can make you feel lonely, angry, and agitated, and it is associated with a bunch of other negative effects on our health including inflammation, a weakened immune system, osteoporosis, damage to the memory, learning impairment, depression, disrupted sleep, etc. When we are not flooded with cortisol we experience more health, joy, connection and empowerment. When we are grounded, it’s easier to be a good leader–at home or at work–and we also have more ease and fun.

HOW DO YOU AVOID GETTING OVERWHELMED?

You can’t. Overwhelm and heartbreak can’t be avoided in life. But what you can do, is learn how to deal with sadness, anger, and stress. Regena Thomashauer says that caring for ourselves and having joy and pleasure in our lives is the highest possible value that women can stand for. When you have joy, you can give joy, when you have self-love, you can give love, when you’ve cared for yourself, you can care for others. Thomashauer teaches that our pleasure fills us with self-love and then we can connect with others. When we have more love for yourself, then we open the door for others to love themselves too.

HOW DO YOU HAVE MORE SELF-LOVE AND JOY?

Regena Thomashauer says to take pleasure breaks. Take a few minutes, or even 30 seconds. Dance. Take a shower. Drink tea. Light a candle. Cut some flowers and bring them inside. Talk to a friend. Ask for help. Take a nap. Go outside and feel the sun on your skin. Walk around the block. Lower your standards. Breathe. Journal. Read. Hug. Smile. Eat. Drink. Know that you deserve pleasure and that having joy and love for yourself will help those around you too. Caring for your kids, your friends, your family, and your work will all become easier and more fun, when you make your own joy a priority.

MY HAPPY ENDING?

Over the last several days, I went for a walk on the beach. I started reading a book for pleasure. I took a nap. Drank some tea. Slept in. I let the house be a little messier, but cleaned up the areas that really mattered (especially because of the fruit flies around lately). I remembered to do my daily gratitude’s for my life.

YOUR HAPPY ENDING?

You get to create it. What are you going to do? Put in the comments below one thing you will do this week to create your own happy ending. Here are 45 Self-care Ideas from Tinybuddha.com to get you started

Tiny Self-Care Ideas for the Mind

1. Start a compliments file. Document the great things people say about you to read later.

2. Scratch off a lurker on your to-do list, something that’s been there for ages and you’ll never do.

3. Change up the way you make decisions. Decide something with your heart if you usually use your head. Or if you tend to go with your heart, decide with your head.

4. Go cloud-watching. Lie on your back, relax, and watch the sky.

5. Take another route to work. Mixing up your routine in small ways creates new neural pathways in the brain to keep it healthy.

6. Pay complete attention to something you usually do on autopilot, perhaps brushing your teeth, driving, eating, or performing your morning routine.

7. Goof around for a bit. Schedule in five minutes of “play” (non-directed activity) several times throughout your day.

8. Create a deliberate habit, and routinize something small in your life by doing it in the same way each day—what you wear on Tuesdays, or picking up the dental floss before you brush.

9. Fix a small annoyance at home that’s been nagging you—a button lost, a drawer that’s stuck, a light bulb that’s gone.

10. Punctuate your day with a mini-meditation with one minute of awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations; one minute of focused attention on breathing; and one minute of awareness of the body as a whole.

11. Be selfish. Do one thing today just because it makes you happy.

12. Do a mini-declutter. Recycle three things from your wardrobe that you don’t love or regularly wear.

13. Unplug for an hour. Switch everything to airplane mode and free yourself from the constant bingsof social media and email.

14. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it’s just talking to a stranger at the bus stop.

15. Edit your social media feeds, and take out any negative people. You can just “mute” them; you don’t have to delete them.

Tiny Self-Care Ideas for the Body

1. Give your body ten minutes of mindful attention. Use the body scan technique to check in with each part of your body.

2. Oxygenate by taking three deep breaths. Breathe into your abdomen, and let the air puff out your stomach and chest.

3. Get down and boogie. Put on your favorite upbeat record and shake your booty.

4. Stretch out the kinks. If you’re at work, you can always head to the bathroom to avoid strange looks.

5. Run (or walk, depending on your current physical health) for a few minutes. Or go up and down the stairs three times.

6. Narrow your food choices. Pick two healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and rotate for the week.

7. Activate your self-soothing system. Stroke your own arm, or if that feels too weird, moisturize.

8. Get to know yourself intimately. Look lovingly and without judgment at yourself naked. (Use a mirror to make sure you get to know all of you!)

9. Make one small change to your diet for the week. Drink an extra glass of water each day, or have an extra portion of veggies each meal.

10. Give your body a treat. Pick something from your wardrobe that feels great next to your skin.

11. Be still. Sit somewhere green, and be quiet for a few minutes.

12. Get fifteen minutes of sun, especially if you’re in a cold climate. (Use sunscreen if appropriate.)

13. Inhale an upbeat smell. Try peppermint to suppress food cravings and boost mood and motivation.

14. Have a good laugh. Read a couple of comic strips that you enjoy. (For inspiration, try Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert, or xkcd.)

15. Take a quick nap. Ten to twenty minutes can reduce your sleep debt and leave you ready for action.

Tiny Self-Care Ideas for the Soul

1. Imagine you’re your best friend. If you were, what would you tell yourself right now? Look in the mirror and say it.

2. Use your commute for a “Beauty Scavenger Hunt.” Find five unexpected beautiful things on your way to work.

3. Help someone. Carry a bag, open a door, or pick up an extra carton of milk for a neighbor.

4. Check in with your emotions. Sit quietly and just name without judgment what you’re feeling.

5. Write out your thoughts. Go for fifteen minutes on anything bothering you. Then let it go as you burn or bin the paper.

6. Choose who you spend your time with today. Hang out with “Radiators” who emit enthusiasm and positivity, and not “Drains” whose pessimism and negativity robs energy.

7. Stroke a pet. If you don’t have one, go to the park and find one. (Ask first!)

8. Get positive feedback. Ask three good friends to tell you what they love about you.

9. Make a small connection. Have a few sentences of conversation with someone in customer service such as a sales assistant or barista.

10. Splurge a little. Buy a small luxury as a way of valuing yourself.

11. Have a self-date. Spend an hour alone doing something that nourishes you (reading, your hobby, visiting a museum or gallery, etc.)

12. Exercise a signature strength. Think about what you’re good at, and find an opportunity for it today.

13. Take a home spa. Have a long bath or shower, sit around in your bathrobe, and read magazines.

14. Ask for help—big or small, but reach out.

15. Plan a two-day holiday for next weekend. Turn off your phone, tell people you’ll be away, and then do something new in your own town.

WHATS WORKING FOR YOU THIS WEEK?

#selfcare #stress