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Giving Without Expectations

Nadine Jones
Jul 1, 2017
5 min read

Is there such thing as a selfless act?

Anytime we do something to help another person, we get something in return, even if it’s just a warm feeling. So is this still a giving without expectation? I believe this can be a giving of the heart with out expectations depending on your motives. Asking yourself "do expect anything in return".

Giving usually feels good, however all forms of giving are not created equal. When we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, we are not really giving from the heart. When we give from the heart, the joy of giving becomes its own reward, and no expectations are placed.

We’ve all experienced times when, you give your friend $20, and then silently look for ways she can pay you back, even if not monetarily. You help your friend though a rough time, and then feel angry when she isn’t as available in offering you support.

Marshall B. Rosenberg says about giving from the heart in his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life “When we give from the heart, we do so out of the joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person’s life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver. The receiver enjoys the gift without worrying about the consequences that accompany gifts given out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for gain. The giver benefits from the enhanced self-esteem that results when we see our efforts contributing to someone’s well-being".

Expectations create more stress than joy. They taint the act of giving with “fear, guilt, shame” this leads to disappointment if the person helped doesn’t return the kindness, and becomes linked to an internal score card, weather we are conscious of it or not in that moment.

“Generosity, the spontaneous giving of ourselves and our resources to someone else. Generosity is the mother of all kindness. Our desire to give help, comfort, support, or appreciation is often the reason we do kind things” says by M. J. Ryan in her book The Giving Heart: Unlocking the Transformative Power of Generosity in Your Life.

A practice you can try is asking yourself “What is my expectation?” before I do something for another person. Giving from the heart in the Buddhist practice of true generosity of spirit, describes generosity as; a giving from sincere desire to benefit others, without expectation of reward or recognition. There must be no selfishness attached. Charity work done to "feel good about myself" is not true practice of generosity and giving.

20 Ways to Practice Giving From the Heart

The Website Tiny Buddha has created this list of twenty things you can do to show you care, to practice giving from the heart, where giving is its own reward.

Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.
Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.
Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear—without considering how well they listened to you last week.
Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing—without considering whether they’d be as open with you.
Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.
Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.
Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.
Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.
Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.
Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.
Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.
Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.
Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.
Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.
Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.
Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.
Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.
Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.
Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.
I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

Our cultural up bringing’s have often taught us to act with one eye on what’s in it for us, at least some of the time. Let’s work at making a shift in ourselves that will effect generation s to come by making an effort whenever possible to do GOOD just for the sake of it, without expectations of anything in return.

Checking in with your motivations and give because you want to.

Some benefits of unselfish giving as listed on Advancedlifeskills.com

1. Giving feels satisfying. When you give without wanting anything in return it opens up your heart to an enhanced sense of peace, love and joy. Because your motive is pure, your heart is free to experience giving at the highest level.

2. Giving stimulates gratitude. Giving without expectation will feed your abundance mindset and elevate your personal awareness of others. As a result, you will feel increasing levels of compassion and gratitude simultaneously.

3. Giving attracts giving. What you put into the world has a powerful influence on what you receive. Giving from a pure motive has a very positive influence on how you experience your world.

4. Giving makes you aware of limiting beliefs. When limiting beliefs are revealed in motives like selfishness and greed they are exposed to your conscious awareness, then you can work on letting them go. If you are unaware of their existence, they remain active in your subconscious. If they continue unchecked, you may wind up attracting the exact opposite of what you want.