Compassion For Myself

Compassion for myself was not something I was taught or learned as a child, however if you’re like me, you were probably taught that you should have compassion for others. The truth is, until you have compassion for yourself, you won’t be able to bring it to others. Then when we try to be compassionate with others and fail, the inevitable result is we add yet another layer of self-judgment shame and guilt upon ourselves.

When Your Inner Child asks For Self-Compassion

When something happens and we feel strong negative emotions, often there is an old wound from childhood that has been triggered. A door to the unconscious opens and stands ready for us to enter. For me this was to scary I did not want to have that door open or even look inside, I choose to ignore the door and distract myself, numb myself with addiction.

However, when the pain gets so great, or the support we’ve been longing for eventually finds us and we are willing to do what it takes to heal and find our way to wellness, we must meet ourselves with compassion.

What Does Showing Compassion For Yourself Look Like?

Self-compassion is to be with yourself in a deeply aware and non-judging way as a loyal and trustworthy friend. Self-compassion includes care, concern, sensitivity, warmth, unconditional love, tenderness, acceptance, mercy, and kindness. Compassion for yourself is a softness that flows within you and infuses it’s self around you like a warm and cozy blanket.

No one in the world knows your feelings and hurts as well as you do. You know all the intricacies and tendrils of them, firsthand and up close. Because of this you are the one most qualified to bring love to this part of yourself.

Self-compassion is seeing your most tender wounds without judgment. Showing compassion to yourself is being willing to see the reality of your pain without covering it up or trying to “fix” it. Once this level of self-love occurs, a door opens to the understanding of why the pain is still there. As we lovingly befriend ourselves, awareness reveals.

Why Do We Need Self-Compassion?

Others can love us and show compassion toward us, and yes, this does help. It helps us learn to open and receive love. However, the compassion that does the healing comes from within us. At the core of every wound is a thought or belief a fear that we are unworthy of love, connection and belonging. You are the only one who can release that belief for yourself, this is what self-compassion does for you.

Although others may tell us that we’re good, beautiful, smart, courageous etc., the wounded part of ourselves will still hold onto beliefs of not being good, smart or beautiful until we hear it from OURSELVES. It has only been very recently that I have been able to start to see myself. All the affirmations in the world didn’t work until I could start to have compassion and love for myself.

As I make myself and my healing a priority, I have begun to see WHY I’ve done or said things I’m not proud of. I do not have regrets however as these times and things have made me stronger and who I am today. I can see that my reactions to situations aren’t because I’m “bad.” I see that my reactions where because I was in pain and didn’t believe in myself.

Where To Start?

Find the willingness to BE with yourself. Make yourself priority, especially your hurt child inside, your core wound.

Focus on being just with YOU. Look at the circumstance that triggered your reactions and negative feelings, and…

Ask inside… What am I feeling?

Invite and acknowledge all of your feelings, whatever they are – anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy. Don’t judge any of it. It is simply energy moving through you. It is neither bad nor good. It is just energy.

As you’re feeling in to what is going on inside you, notice the familiarity of the feelings. Look back to a younger time in your life when you felt these feelings. At some point, you will feel yourself as a young child who still lives within you today. Notice that the feelings this young you is experiencing is because of certain events that happened. You are not wrong for having these feelings. They are the natural result of things that happened

Now, be a friend to this little one inside you.

Experience the part of you who is a compassionate friend who loves you unconditionally. It may take some patience to find this aspect of yourself, but I assure you, it is there. If you “think” there isn’t love there, then gently acknowledge release that thought. Gradually you’ll feel tenderness, light, and space as well as warmth. We will each grow and change at our own pace, for some it may feel slow and others fast, neither is wrong or right.

Patience

After a lifetime of practicing self-judgment, watch for the inevitable arising of self-judgment. Just start where you are. When we’ve experienced trauma (and we all have), any talk about self-compassion can sound like a foreign language. That’s okay. Just take one piece of it, one step that you resonate with and do that one step. That one step will guide you to the next and then the next…

Be kind and gentle with yourself WHATEVER is going on inside, and then one day you will notice you are practicing self-compassion!

A beautiful outcome of practicing self-compassion is your compassion for others will flow automatically and it will be in balanced with the compassion you have for your-self.

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